Heterosexual Privilege: Still a more taboo subject than race privilege, heterosexual privilege refers to "the daily ways in which heterosexual privilege makes married persons comfortable or powerful, providing supports, assets, approvals, and rewards to those who live or expect to live in heterosexual pairs." So explains Peggy MacIntosh in her 1988 working paper, "White Privilege, Male Privilege," issued by the Wellesley College Center. MacIntosh goes on to warn: "Unpacking that content (of heterosexual privilege) is still more difficult, owing to the deeper imbeddedness of heterosexual advantage and dominance." The truth of MacIntosh's assertions surfaced pointedly at a recent meeting regarding editorial content for this newsletter.

The participants at the meeting had gathered as a focus group to discuss vital material for this issue of Bright Ideas. As the editor announced the purpose of the meeting, someone looked around and said, "So, are we all gay or what?" I smiled, but said nothing. Everyone else laughed in what appeared to me to be in a comradely fashion. Of course, I thought, everyone's wondering, "Is she?" or "What is she?" For the first time in my life I felt isolated and a bit scared because of my sexual identity. My unconscious sense of privilege was shaken. I wondered if it was OK for me to be there and thought I should hold back my involvement because I was clearly ignorant of the deeper issues faced by gay/ lesbian/ bisexual/ transgender individuals in our heterosexually dominant culture. I have begun to have just an inkling of what my associates might be feeling everyday: tenuous, nervous, self-questioning.

The Heterosexual Club
How could sexuality have become such a burden? As I listen to those around me, I began to understand that what I felt at that meeting-out of the loop-is often a daily oppression for those in the gay lesbian, bisexual, transgender community. Every day they face the need to struggle for health benefits for their partners with whom they may have shared a life for decades while newlyweds attached less than a month are automatically accorded "family" coverage. They wonder if they should go to the office party with their partners or go alone or not at all because they risk enduring whispered comments as they enter the room and circulate as a couple. How difficult it is for them to listen to the casual, constant discussion of showers and engagements and weddings and assume that everyone is interested in these heterosexual coming-of-age events. How excluded gay/ lesbian/ bisexual/ transgender folks feel when their coming-of-age events are secrets only shared with a select few, not freely discussed in the lunch room by the water fountain.

Promotions and even jobs can be denied to those not members of the heterosexual club. It's never said overtly, "We can't hire her, she's lesbian," just as it is never said, "We can't promote her, she's black." Such "isms" are not the subject of outright talk. They are the silent enemies of those who don't conform to the established, dominant cultures.

Heterosexuals assume their privilege and benefit from what MacIntosh terms "unearned power" in the blithe manner of all dominant cultures. Heterosexuals make the immediate connections with other staff. They talk with supervisors about their families, spouses, and lives in a way that assumes everyone's entering the conversation from the same platform of experience. It's so easy, so familiar, and so blind. They are assuming a sexual commonality where it does not always exist.

What We Assume
We cannot assume that all mothers and fathers are paired heterosexually. We cannot assume that all coworkers are as comfortable as we are in sharing life details. As the old saying goes, "Be careful when you assume, for to assume makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me.' " Worse yet, these assumptions marginalize our fellow human souls and provide heterosexual privileges they never earned. These privileges allow heterosexuals to continue thinking they are the "norm," or that they earned outrightly every honor conferred upon them, when, in fact, they started with an extra competitive edge because their sexuality in no way threatened the dominant culture.

What Do We Do about Our Straight Privilege?
So what do we do about our privilege? First and foremost, we acknowledge it. We bring our little secret advantages into the daylight and admit them. "To redesign social systems we need first to acknowledge their colossal unseen dimensions. (For) the silences and denials surrounding privilege are the key political tools here. They keep the thinking about equality or inequality incomplete, protecting unearned advantage and conferred dominance by making these taboo subjects-Keeping most people unaware that freedom of confident action is there for just a small number of people props up those in power, and serves to keep power in the hands of the same groups that have most of it already." (McIntosh, p. 34.)

In a democratic world, all people are equal. Everyone -- gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, heterosexual -- has the right to the "pursuit of happiness." Each one of us has the right to walk tall and be proud of herself. How we treat each other is the measure of our character. How we fashion a life on this diverse ecosystem of the earth is the measure of that achievement. We must stop measuring people on the basis of their sexuality. Rather we need to celebrate our uniqueness and recognize our similarities. Maybe everyone would be better off to have the experience I had to be in the minority for once. To be on the outside makes us vulnerable, yet it makes us alert. I learned much from my colleagues, and I am indebted to them for sharing openly in my presence. However, my debt will not be repaid if I carry my new knowledge silently. This is why I write here. It's part of my effort to encourage all of us privileged heterosexuals to deepen our sensitivities toward the struggles of our fellow gay/ lesbian/ bisexual/ transgender citizens whether they are students or colleagues, to speak out against discriminating acts or words, and to be aware of and examine our assumptions. We are, after all, one family. Each of us is special, but no one among us deserves privilege, power, or advantage because he or she is heterosexual.

Tricia Donovan is a GED instructor at Franklin Hampshire Employment and Training Consortium and a doctoral student at UMass/Amherst. She can be reached by e-mail at triciad@crocker.com